Going at My Own Pace and Still Moving Forward
There’s a difference between being tired and experiencing a level of fatigue that doesn’t easily go away. For me, living with an autoimmune condition means that tired isn’t just a word I use casually. It shows up in real ways, in moments where something as simple as raising my arms can feel heavy, or where energy isn’t something I can push through in the way I might want to.
At the same time, life doesn’t pause. I work a full-time job, and I’m also part of building The Ability Company. Both matter to me. Both require energy, focus, and commitment. And there are days when balancing those pieces feels harder than I expected it to be. There are evenings where I sit down to work on something and I can feel that I’ve already reached my limit for the day.
In the past, I might have pushed through that. I might have told myself to keep going no matter what, to get everything done, to match a pace that wasn’t realistic for me. But what I’ve learned over time is that pushing past those limits doesn’t actually help me in the long run. It doesn’t make me more productive. It doesn’t make the work better. It just makes it harder to keep showing up the next day.
So I’ve had to learn a different way of showing up.
There are evenings when I choose to step back from The Ability Company work, not because it’s not important, but because I know I need to replenish. There are moments where I allow myself to go slower, to spread work out instead of trying to do everything at once. And that hasn’t always been easy to accept. Slowing down can feel like falling behind if you’re measuring yourself against a pace that was never meant for you.
But what I’m starting to understand is that going slower doesn’t mean stopping.
I am still showing up. I am still getting the work done. It just happens at my pace, not at a pace that looks the same as everyone else’s. And that shift in mindset has been important, because it allows me to keep going without burning out or feeling like I have to give up altogether.
What this way of showing up has built for me is something steady. It’s built a sense of trust in myself, knowing that even if I need to pause, I won’t walk away completely. It’s built consistency, even if that consistency doesn’t always look fast or highly productive from the outside. And maybe most importantly, it’s built a life where I can continue moving forward without feeling like I have to choose between my well-being and the work that matters to me.
There is still a part of me that wants to do more, to move faster, to keep up in a way that feels easier. That feeling doesn’t disappear overnight. But it’s getting quieter as I see what happens when I allow myself to work in a way that fits my reality instead of fighting against it.
Because the truth is, I could have given up.
There are enough reasons, enough hard days, enough moments of exhaustion where that would have been understandable. But I haven’t. And that’s not because everything is easy or perfectly balanced — it’s because I’ve found a way to keep going that actually works for me.
That’s what matters.
Not how quickly something gets done, but that it continues to move forward. Not how much I can fit into a single day, but that I keep showing up over time. That kind of consistency doesn’t always stand out, but it builds something real and lasting.
For me, showing up isn’t about pushing through everything. It’s about knowing when to pause, when to rest, and when to begin again. It’s about allowing space for both effort and recovery, without guilt.
Because in the end, what this has shown me is that I don’t have to do everything all at once to keep building something meaningful.
And as someone who also understands caregiving, I know this balance of giving to others while managing your own energy is something many of us carry quietly.
I just have to keep going.
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